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or Steve and James' Most Excellent Adventure by James Clay & Steve Stubbs 
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This year Brock Yates assembled 83 of the usual suspects, (some uninitiated Lap Pups and demented Lap Dog returnees) to compete in a crazy event that has morphed from the high speed coast to coast race known as The Cannonball Run. One Lap of America today cloaks itself in a modicum of respect behind the visage of charitable fund raising, but mostly just fun racing! We would cover 5,200 miles in 8 days, 17 track events at 8 tracks, 22 states and three time zones and with very little sleep (except for James, who when not holding the steering wheel was typically konked out). This is my third OLOA having competed in 1996 aboard a '85 BMW M6 with my dad Buddy Stubbs, then last year in a '88 BMW M3 with Rob Inaurio. In January I purchased a turn key BMW 325i ITS racecar from James Clay and Barry Battle at BimmerWorld so that I could jump feet first into SCCA and BMW Club Racing. James warily agreed to co-drive One Lap in the racecar with me...so let the race begin!
We cleared our credit cards, packed our bags and scheduled visits with chiropractors near each track along the way. The starting event at High Falls Brewery in Rochester featured Brock with his annual admonition to "run silent, run deep" in our loud, decal plastered, testosteron injected hot rods. James and I would switch driving duties throughout the long commutes. James would race 8 time trials and one asphalt oval, I raced 6 time trials, one dirt oval (yee-haa!) and two drag races. James moved us from 41'st starting position down to 27'th at Indianapolis Raceway Park. The paddock becomes gearhead mecca where we renew old friendships and create new ones. Bob Stommel and Bill Arnold helped us change a bad wheel bearing at IRP in time to get to our 8PM checkpoint. (Billy the Wrench would later be caught working on some seven different team cars, such as he is...) Thanks again guys! We blasted bleary eyed across the fruited plain to Hallett Raceway OK, Pikes Peak International Raceway CO and then southward to Sandia Motorsports Park near Albuquerque. Our two front Pirelli tires were down to the steel belts due to a misalignment so we were relieved to have our new tires delivered by Fed-Ex truck at Sandia. Fed-Ex deliveries at each track allow limping cars to proceed onward and for some of us renewed hope of finishing well. By this time my race duties have ended and through my own skill and bravado, we have surged behind to a stellar 46'th place. The daily routine was beginning to gel for us....drive all night, unload the contents of the car in the paddock, race, reload and GO! Even the occassional two and a half hours of horizontal sleep at Hotel Calcutta is worth the requisite $50.00 and putting up with the pungent smell of curry that attempts to cover the varied odors. James seems content to survive on beef jerky while swilling Red Bull...I chug 3 liter bottles of Dew and alternate between PR bars and honey buns. Although I'm sure it's unrelated, our short and near term memory must have stayed in Rochester...I can't at times even remember what day it is or where we were yesterday without research. After 850 miles across the blur of flyover country we arrive at Texas World Speedway. James chats with his fans and I find some shade to catch an hour nap on my lounge chair. I later talk with the storming supercharged, 6 speed BMW 740i team comprised of Simeon Mackrides, Dave Flogaus and Ben Greiser. Simeon stated, "The highlights of this event has to be all the great people who helped us repair our broken rear window (dirt track), broken Fikse wheel, burst radiator hose and chewed blower belt!" He also added, "this is THE ultimate road trip!" The effervescent Tammi Hull echoed similiar sentiments. "The first night is always rough, but the dirt oval was a blast!" (Tammi and Bill Arnold would finish 32'nd in the M Coupe) James drives well and we're off again with our group of road warriors for a 950 mile dash to Road Atlanta. The heat wafts upward from the bare metal floors and even with the windows down, we stew in our own juices. (Speaking of juices, did you know that tenderized armadillo smells amazingly like BBQ when it clings to a Borla exhaust?) We also notice that seemingly every time we stop for fuel, every constable in the county coincidently arrives to admire our entourage....afterwards, they even follow us down the road in evident concern for our safety.... We show up at 4 AM at the home of Bobby Thrash who kindly shows his southern hospitality to both the weary M Coupe team and us. James later awakens in time to show his skill on this familiar track. At lunchtime we're treated to the marriage vows of Matt and Gwen Hubbard (Porsche 944 T), a One Lap first! After the bride and groom sped off for a victory lap around the track, I overheard two guys sniff, "I want a wife like that....sniff, sniff" Two honorable mentions during our trip would definitely be Karl Troy in the tail-out Lamborghini Diablo, flying around the DIRT oval near Tulsa....also, Swiss chocolate magnate Robert Dubler careening the screaming Chevy Tahoe (one hand on top of the wheel) through Road Atlanta turn 12, lap after breathholding lap....such is the cast of characters that keeps us coming back. Speaking of returns, I warned James at the outset that this event wouldn't be his last. Well I now know that he will be back because I heard him muttering in his sleep from the passenger chair something about..."ummm, big cams...extrude honed disgronificators..(?)..ummm...carbon fiber unobtanium..." etc. Just what could all that jibberish mean? Another sticker stop at Carolina Rod Shop where we purchase AC hose to duct air into the cabin, just in time for cooler northern weather. Summit Point WV finds us chasing Stu Sacks in his stealth 325i/M3 for the final point standings. It has come to our attention that in the battle for supremacy, horsepower is king and we have shown up to a gunfight with a 200 HP pocket knife... ( Dr. Stu would go on to finish ahead of us at 33'rd overall). Off to our last track event, this time an asphalt oval near Rochester NY. James puts the NASCAR whammy on the quintuple adjustable suspension and threatens to use Bill Arnolds tall spare tire on the right rear corner, but I am finally able to dissuade him on the basis of pure esthetics (and possible derision from the stands). He takes the low line and unlike a cetain Miata, keeps my new paint job off of the walls. (By the way James, was that really tobacco spit flying out of the drivers window every time you came around?) The awards banquet was terrific as always with Brock and the tired, smiling teams revelling in another successful One Lap of America to be recorded in the history books. Thanks also to our sponsors for helping us to achieve our goals; BimmerWorld, Outdoor Lighting Perspectives and Palmetto Traditional Homes. As we were passing through the crowd on our way to our faithful car, I noticed a very proper lady admonishing her young daughter stating, "See...this is what happens when Harley riders buy cars!" Home | Calendar | News! | Articles | Eddresses | Links | Caption, Please!?! Contest
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