by Steve Stubbs

The 2005 Cannonball One Lap of America would prove to be among the most leisurely in recent memory, especially following the rigors of the 2004 route that took us to the Pacific shores of Marin County, California and back. With only 3,200 miles in 8 days, including 20 race events, the event has been dubbed “Nap Lap”.

Brock Yates, you said you’d make us pay for that comment next year and we are very sorry…

The esteemed Mr. Yates, founder of the annual One Lap of America, Cannonball ringleader and Car & Driver Magazine guru put together an Eastern U.S. route for those of us demented enough to participate. We would once again convene in South Bend Indiana at the Tire Rack, then transit out amongst the fruited plain and back, all within 8 short days! 92 hot rods of various pedigrees would compete at 10 race tracks, including 20 events. (see onelapofamerica.com)

Conde Naste Traveler even lists One Lap of America as one of their “100 things to do before you die”Hmmm….

As a 6 time One Lap competitor, I’ve driven an M6, a 1988 Vortech M3, 1993 325i (my current race car) and in 2003 garnered a 3’rd place class finish in a DINAN 5. This year my co-driver Matt Griesheimer, (a senior technician and gear head friend from Hendrick BMW) and I would flog “Nigel”, a 2004 Works MINI. Nigel proved a worthy competitor by slugging it out last year to a second place class finish.

Once again, BMW’s outnumbered all other competitive brands entered with 11 and 2 MINI’s. Total trophy take? Four!

Highlights of our great adventure started with a 4’th overall on the wet skidpad at .881G’s, just in front of the eventual champion, Mark DaVia in the 650 HP Porsche 911.

We also had the privilege of raising $1,400 for the Lowcountry Crisis Pregnancy Center, our favorite charity. Many teams in the Cannonball do fund raising for other worthy causes as well, including the Ronald McDonald House and TRIO, an organ donation

clearinghouse.

Our 2004 MINI was outfitted with the John Cooper Works kit producing 200HP, big brakes kit, rear bar and H&R springs. Sponsors include Outdoor Lighting Perspectives, Arizona Harley Davidson and MINI of Charleston. A wildly swaying Hula Girl and license plate that reads “GRVYBBY” (think Austin Powers) completes the package.

Phil Munschauer and Joe Browne piloted a red Mini S, eventually finishing third in class as “Lap Pups” in their first Cannonball. Joe would later relate that “I had dreamed of doing this my entire life and I wasn’t disappointed”.

Success in the Cannonball isn’t just showing up with the highest horsepower (it helps) and best handling car, but also acclimating to the strenuous transit schedule. Matt and I would take turns driving to the next fuel stop (usually 250-300 miles) while the co-pilot navigated with the route book and snoozed whenever possible. We survived on 2 liter bottles of diet Mountain Dew, peanuts and Power Bars, usually trying to get one good meal each day. Sleep time is valued as a premium and I eked out anywhere from 3 to 6 hours in a hotel bed each night. Lap Dog veterans will tell you that one hour of sleeping in a bed is worth 2 hours of sleep bouncing along in a pseudo race car.

Many of our fellow competitors massacred more than a few critters along the way… Matt hit a road gator that in a final act of triumph damaged Nigel’s left driving light and took our deer whistle with it!

Around the fourth day of our grand tour we were starting to get used to the routine of driving all night, arrive at the next track, unpack, race two or three times during the day, repack and drive all night again….our longest transit was from Roebling Road GA. to Nelson Ledges OH, 769 miles of blurred beauty of Americana. We also were able to post 11’th & 12’th fastest rainy lap times at Roebling Road.

“Nigel”, our fun, diminutive MINI, generated lots of “smiles per mile” from every quarter, performing admirably throughout the 5,000 total miles. Matt and I enjoyed our unforgettable great adventure with cheerful banter balanced with fatigue induced stupor. Truckers busied themselves on the CB radio with comments of, “Hey, is that a mini-pooper?” to “Man, I sure wouldn’t want to get squashed like a bug in one of those things…har, har…”

Frequent signs of mental fatigue and sleep deprivation included driving for miles in the wrong gear without noticing it, laughably short term memory loss, vacant stares and of course winning the shameful “Spinning Compass Award” by making a wrong turn.

One low point was at BeaveRun PA where most of the hotels were full and we were faced with the choice of a couple of hours sleeping upright in Nigel in the parking lot or actually paying good money for a left over bed in some innocuous hovel…we elected to stay at Hotel Hovel. The room hadn’t seen an update since 1979 and was replete with old brown shag carpet, burlap hand/bath towels, a hole in the bathroom floor and the smallest soap you’ve ever seen, only tinier. Still, it was technically a bed…

Matts favorite track were the back roads of Virginia at 2AM while mine was the new Shenandoah circuit. Dave Flogaus co-drove Jim Demchsaks E46 M3 and couldn’t sing enough praises about Virginia International Raceway. Daves only complaint was something about distracting coins banging about in the passenger door as he hustled the M3 around VIR. I’m not really sure how they got there but for some reason at the Nelson Ledges Nigel’s passenger door had enough coinage to pay our way through the next toll booth…

I did experience the ignominy of accidentally doing well in the bracket drag races by beating the fastest car in the field, a Superformance Daytona coupe that was skillfully piloted by a fellow driving instructor and all-around nice guy, Dennis Olthoff. Dennis posted a low ET of 11.45 while Nigel was 67’th deep in the field with a 15.49. We squared off against each other like the proverbial David and Goliath and somehow at the finish line Nigel emerged the victor….that’s bracket drag racing for you…we finished fourth overall at Mason Dixon Dragway in Maryland.

Among our favorite transit routes was I-77 through West Virginia with scenic vistas, wide fast sweepers and lots of elevation changes. Least favorite track food was the mystery meat hamburgers at Nelson Ledges….were those searing marks from the grill or from a crop?

Tammy Hull and Claudia Quinlivan showed great panache and perseverance by campaigning a 325i race car through a snowstorm in Wyoming, overcame dead battery woes and yet dressing to the hilt in pink outfits and spiked pink high heels at the awards banquet.

Annual favorites Roy Hopkins, Adrienne Hughes and Nancy Becker wheeled their bile yellow E46 M3 to a 2’nd place class finish. Neil Simon and Woody Hair hustled their supercharged red M coupe to a 3’rd place class finish. Neil thought his little bread van was running on 5 cylinders at Indianapolis Raceway Park, but the miss/vibration turned out to be a clutch problem. They did an exhausting all-nighter and still didn’t miss any events!

We finally finished the event first in class and 24’th overall out of 90 finishers, including besting 5 Porches, 2 Vipers and 4 Corvettes! Proof positive that good things can and do come in small packages!

by Steve Stubbs

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